OOPS, Forgot to Share... I'm Pregnant! & My First Trimester Update
I’m pretty sure as I type this many of you may already know from social media… I’M PREGNANT !
It is a surreal feeling full of mixed emotions. I often times find myself staring at my already big belly bump still in shock. One thing for sure is I’m relieved to finally publicly share this news with you all. I did want to take the time to chat with you guys about why I didn’t share early on, my back and forth about if I ever would, and why I finally decided to just make it a “thing”.
I’ll first tell you as of today January 1, I am 16 weeks & 6 days, & I’m due June 10th, 2019. Okay, so here we go ….
HOW I FOUND OUT
I have shared my story of miscarriage here before so this will help put everything into context. Due to the miscarriage and having a D&E, I didn’t want to try again, like ever in life. I don’t suffer from infertility issues at all and I really want to make that clear. Olivia just wasn’t compatible with life as my genetic doctor phrased it. She had a rare genetic disorder called Turner’s Syndrome that caused her fetal death.
Due to the emotional roller coaster I experienced, I didn’t want to get back on that ride. I did however want to make sure I fully healed and got my menstrual back. I have a very very regular cycle like time of day and everything. After 20 days of inconsistent bleeding, my cycle finally came back to normal. THEN all of a sudden, I started noticing utter exhaustion during the midday. Like I never take naps but after I ate anything I would get so tired. During that time, I was also training for a marathon. I was running 4-5 miles like Superwoman for about 2 weeks. During a week of my training, I noticed fatigue a little too early into my miles maybe mile 2.5. I was like, Oh holy cow— I think I’m pregnant.
Because my cycle is regular, I was on pin and needles, I wanted to take an early First Response Test. I talked to my husband about taking a test early. He immediately said NO. He asked for me not to take it early and to be patient. Now he knows his wife, I am not patient. After dinner that evening, I told him I was running to take Amira to buy some stationery from Walgreens. I really was running to get a pregnancy test. I hid the test in my purse and ran into the bathroom and took the test while he was watching TV. When I saw the first line come through I just walked away a little deflated because by now I was convinced that I was pregnant. Although we weren’t trying now I wanted it. A few minutes later when I came back to discard the cup, I saw TWO lines. Positive. My heart sank. I started shaking. Of course, I couldn’t tell Daniel because I secretly took the test. I slide the test behind some books and ran to my phone. I HAD to told my mom though haha. But, I told Daniel maybe an hour later. I couldn’t help it. lol.
HOW I FELT THE FIRST TRIMESTER
Since I found out at 5-6 weeks, I immediately started feeling symptoms or imagined them. I was so tired. During my workdays, I would sneak off from my computer and take 2 hours naps. I craved cereal yet milk was disgusting to the developing fetus. I would get incredibly nauseous every time I drank milk. I couldn’t shake the random bouts of nausea and felt like I was starving uncontrollably. I would go out to get fast food and every single thing I ordered was disgusting. I vowed to never eat fast food again. I wanted to get on Facebook so bad and complain about food being disgusting, how tired I was, and how dizzy and nauseous I was—but then everyone would put 2 & 2 together.
Emotionally, I was a wreck. I had joy but was so afraid of allowing myself to be happy. I had an insurmountable amount of fear. Mainly a fear of doing anything wrong to loose the baby. I didn’t work out at all during my first trimester—not one time. My doctor cleared me to exercise after hearing a strong heartbeat and my first ultrasound at 7 weeks. I just didn’t want to. She actually suggested at my 12 week to let go of the fear and exercise. So, I started back exercising at 16 weeks only doing brisk walking, Zumba, and light weightlifting. Everything I was doing before (per my doctor’s approval)
KEEPING IT A SECRET
Believe it or not, I am really close to many of you guys through social media. Over the past 9 years, I’ve shared so much of life with you all to experience with me, that not sharing the baby news was very difficult. I wanted to share the blessing that God gave me and give hope to so many who shared their loss stories with me. But, obviously I knew I had to wait until it was safe to share with a safe and sound arrival into my second trimester, and finally with my husband’s approval. I made a promise to him that I wouldn’t share until AFTER the genetic results came back.
Keeping this secret was hard because in real life many of you saw my belly and said Congrats before I could tell you I was pregnant. For example, I did this Holiday Style Shoot with Kim & some of my fav bloggers back in November I think. I hadn’t made an announcement but as soon as I took my coat off, everyone knew I was pregnant. This little baby made sure I knew that hiding wouldn’t happen. It started peeking very early on. I felt like at 9 weeks I had already looked 3 months pregnant.
Initially I thought I would wait to announce around 6 months, yeah right. It would get out way before then. Once we got all negative genetic results I decided I would share both the pregnancy and gender results within the same week. I knew there was a bigger message in my pregnancy and I wouldn’t be able to tell it by keeping it a secret. Just while typing this there is so much content, stories and lessons , I’d like to build around my pregnancy that it NOW gets me excited.
We are into the 2nd trimester, NOW! YAY! I am not exhausted anymore. I’ve actually had bursts of energy. We’ve made small plans about the nursery, shifting things around in our family dynamic, and have made a couple of name plans. Other than that—nothing.
We do know the gender. It’s a BOY! I found out around 14 weeks due to genetic results and handed over the results to my mom. To be honest, I was a little disappointed because I really wanted another girl. I adore little girls. There is nothing more I wanted than to make Amira’s dream of being a big sister to a girl come true. When you have lost a baby though, you are just grateful to know your baby is healthy, boy or girl. I’m getting ready to be a boy mom and now I’m overjoyed.
dress Rachel Roy
I want to bask in this pregnancy and share it with you guys but not “overshare”. Tell me what you guys think. Do you want pregnancy content? Stories of planning for a new baby with a huge gap in age? Pregnancy fitness and style? I’m turning to you guys to guide me here, because I really want to make sure I continue to be authentic and give my readers what they came here for while being true to myself.
Let me know! But yes, We are having another baby!