How I am Adjusting to being a Mom of Two
I had always envisioned I would be the fabulous Auntie who showed up to Christmas dinner with nice clothes, jewelry, and expensive gifts for my nieces and nephews in tow. Never did I imagine I, Fenise, would be a mother of two. NEVER. Not to play up or downplay either role, I just had never visualized the future possibility of having an incredible role as a mother to two children. And, as out of reach as it seemed, it’s here. I’m sharing how I’m adjusting to being a mother of two.
It has now been a month since Jasiel entered our family. I’ll admit I assumed life would be chaotic and stressful bringing a newborn into the family dynamic especially with such a huge age gap. I worried that Amira would feel slighted or overwhelmed with adjusting to not being the only child. This feeling took over me so that I wrote her a letter to help make things easier. But Jasiel’s entrance into this world, was an indication of how the transition would be— smooth and chill. He isn’t a crybaby, thank God. He only makes noise literally when he wants to nurse and when he purrs in his sleep. I sat up many nights prior to delivering him wondering if he would cry all night and fuss. See what postpartum depression trauma does to you.
What has happened as I have adjusted to having two kids is incredible! Now more than ever, I am dedicated to being more organized. I now have to juggle way more schedules and activities, professional commitments and family matters. Like it or not, everyone depends on me, Mommy and Wife, to keep the wheels turning. And, I, who do I have to depend on? ME! It’s critical for my sanity to stay organized. Running around like a chicken with my head cut off is not cute or necessary. Proper planning and implementing small organizational skills has helped me adjust to getting everyone where they need to be.
Being a mother, is all about sacrifice. Mothers sacrifice sleep, dreams, food, showers, and even our looks for our children. I knew I would have to make yet another sacrificial offering as I ushered another human into the world. This time— I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my self care and lifestyle. I made a vow in a ritualistic way to devote more time to self care and creating a luxury lifestyle for myself. It is easy to loose yourself in your children. We see it all the time. Sadly, I’ve seen it in myself way too many times. It’s easy. You throw something on to get out of the door. You leave your hair in a ponytail for weeks. You miss the gym a “few days”. Next thing, you know you don’t recognize yourself and you are drowning in a mom pool of pity. So, I have made minor sacrifices like getting up at 7 am to exercise while baby is sleeping with daddy. I also cut off from the world at 9pm to go through a series of beauty rituals to practice daily self care. It’s helped me adjust to being a woman with her own identity and a mom.
Oh and the luxury lifestyle I spoke of, it is the push gift to myself as I adjust. I am motivated to be the best businesswoman. Looking at my children gives me an unwavering push to go after all of my goals unapologetically. When I think of the empire and legacy I’d like to leave behind for them, all I see is luxury, abundance, and a bad ass mom who did it for them. I deserve to be the mom with nice things. I shouldn’t have to wait until my kids are grown to enjoy the finer things or all that I have worked hard for.
The great thing about this shift and adjustment is that I want my kids to see their mom in action making an incredible life for them. Amira needs to see that Mommy is strong, determined, and doing motherhood gracefully. Jasiel as he grews up will respect and adore women who have the honor of raising children because he saw his mother do an incredible job. I always assumed the more kids the bigger the challenge. Now, that I have plus one, it’s been the opposite for me. Being a mother of two has been motivating, encouraging, and inspiring. I feel honored to be able to raise two human beings while seeing myself take on the world.